here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
