You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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