My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
