Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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