So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
