Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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