You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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