Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
