Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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