I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
