There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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