Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
