Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
