i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
