I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
