I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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