i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
