as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
