I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
