She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
