literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
