I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
