I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
