you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I want her autograph on my taint
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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