Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
