I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
