He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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