Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
