maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
