my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize