forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
my poor anus
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
