I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
