my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
