Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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