I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
