Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
