There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
