Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
