I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
