when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
