i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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