Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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