If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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