Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
