I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His nipple licking is glorious
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