You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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