The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
