I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There r osticjed everywhere
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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