Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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