cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
