i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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