i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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