This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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