from now on my penis is your penis
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
