no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize