I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
