Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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