dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
