Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
