can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
