I didn't shave. On purpose
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
