Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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