I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
