woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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