We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
