Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
