Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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