she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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