Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
