You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
