so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
