Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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