last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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