I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize