My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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