it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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