The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The air taste purple.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
