It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
