I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this boner is exhausting
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
