My room smells like vodka and shame
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
