Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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