You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
