I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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