I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
