We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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