i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
