My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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