A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
