I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
